How to Start a Friday

Wake up early.

Congratulate yourself, as you are most decidedly Not a Morning Person. Contemplate the possibility of actually getting to the office BEFORE YOUR BOSS. Reign yourself in; you are flying dangerously close to the sun with this idea. Settle for “earlier than any other day in the past three weeks (and THAT day was only because the car was in the shop and you had to get a ride).”

Make a passable attempt at getting ready; resist the urge to use extra time for primping. Today is about being punctual. Walk out the door a good 30 minutes early, WITH your coffee for once. Congratulate yourself again.

Upon getting in your car, realize immediately that you are completely out of gas. Curse yourself for being too lazy to fill up last night on the way home from work. Fortunately, there is a gas station at the end of your block. Console yourself; it won’t take too long. You’ll still be respectably early!

Decide that while you’re filling up, you might as well go into the store and grab a breakfast-y snack. Lock the car. Walk to the other side of the car, try to open the hatch to the gas tank, realize (AGAIN) that it won’t open when the car is locked (seriously, you’ve had this car for two and a half years. how do you not remember this??). Walk back to driver’s side door to unlock, because the remote entry button on your key is broken. Berate self (AGAIN) for not going to the dealership yet to have it fixed (yes, this is your only option.). Unlock door, walk back to the other side, open gas tank hatch. Swipe card. “Card not read.” Swipe again. “Card not read.” Swipe again, WITH FERVOR. “Card not read. See cashier.”

Draw a deep breath. Try not to picture a clock with rapidly spinning hands, sand pouring through an hourglass, etc. Go inside. You’re starting to feel rushed now; snacks aren’t important. Prepay for gas, walk back to car. Realize that you left the car unlocked when you went into the store, with your purse, laptop, and phone inside. Wonder, briefly, what is wrong with you. Decide snacks really are in order. You’re just standing there while the tank fills up, anyway.

LOCK car this time. Go back inside, survey snack options. Choose a Krispy Kreme to drown your frustrations. Definitely don’t get TWO of them. (Ahem.)

Begin the drive to work. Deal with slowest traffic of the week. Check the time as you pull into the parking lot; you are basically arriving at your earliest “normal” time. Forget to log into group chat, so you appear ten minutes later than you actually were.

Et voilĂ !




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