50 Shades of GAAAHHHokayfine.

I started reading 50 Shades of Grey a few weeks ago. (Internet + bridge = SIGN ME UP.) I got maybe 20-30% of the way in, then declared on Twitter that I couldn’t continue reading it, not even for the sex. (Granted, I was only one sex scene in at the time.)

It’s not that the writing is bad, although it is. It’s not that I want to pick up Ana’s subconscious and beat her inner goddess with it, although I do. My main issue at the time was that I hated both of the main characters. Deeply.

Figuring that life is too short to continue reading books that piss me off, I gave up on it. There is, after all, so much good stuff to watch on TV/Netflix! But on Saturday, I slept until noon (can I get a HELLS YEAH), and when I woke up, M was engrossed in playing Gran Turismo on the PS3. I thought, now would be a perfect time for a book. However, I felt really guilty buying a new book when I have two unread books languishing on my Kindle. (Insurgent is the other, and it has not been getting good reviews, and I was just … not in the mood. [See what I did there?])

So I started back in on 50SoG, figuring I could at least mock it heavily on Twitter. You see where I’m going with this, right?

Not only did I finish the first book that day, I bought the second one and stayed up half of Saturday night reading it.

I don’t hate Ana anymore, although she can still be supremely annoying. I … have actually come to like Christian, despite the fact he is decidedly nutballs. I *am* very tired of reading about him “finding his release.” The author is perfectly fine using synonyms about Ana, so I don’t know why she’s so stuck on this particular phrase with Christian.

The “submissiveness” angle is not as bad as I thought it was going to be, either.

I’m still surprised at myself.

* * * *

Speaking of confessions (which is forever linked with Usher in my brain), why yes I DID fall down the stairs at work on Friday. In front of two (male) coworkers. The entire top of my left foot was swollen and purple. I would take a picture of it, but the effing camera on my effing phone is broken. I live one freeway exit away from the mall, but still haven’t gotten my butt in gear to take it to the Apple store. Procrastinators, unite! (You know, later.)

Bon (H)iver

I hate coats.

Well, that’s not totally true. I hate having to deal with my coat when it’s not on my body. I absolutely can’t stand to wear a coat while driving, so I end up wearing it in 30 second intervals while I walk to my car, or from it. This is especially stupid when I go somewhere like the store. Coat goes on for 30 seconds for the walk down the stairs to the car, comes off while I drive to the store, goes on again for 30 seconds while I walk into the store, comes off again while I’m IN the store (and that is ANOTHER thing I hate: do I hold the coat? Put it in the cart? Neither option is appealing.), goes on again for 30 seconds across the parking lot, comes off for driving home, and goes on again for the 30-second walk to the apartment. It is RIDICULOUS, so what ends up happening is that I carry my coat, clutched across my front for protection, and never actually put it on.

Please tell me that you have at least one quirk that makes your life harder, too.

Speaking of making life harder: winter just generally sucks. Everything is a bigger pain in the ass in the snow: driving, grocery shopping, WALKING, etc.. We’ve been blessed with a pretty mild winter this year, and I realized the other day that I haven’t once asked myself why I live here, which usually happens once a day from January through March. Of course, weather patterns are such that we’ll likely have a hell of a winter next year. Fortunately, I’ve devised a set of Winter Survival Tools (ymmv):

  • Covered parking, both at home and at work. I currently have neither, and hot damn, do I hate scraping snow and ice from my windshield and windows. We’re moving soon, though, so I’m hoping that both M and I will have covered parking (preferably a garage) wherever we end up. I won’t have it at work, though, unless Workplace (h/t: Sundry) decides to move again, AND chooses a building with covered parking, and strangely enough, there aren’t many office buildings here that have it.
  • Remote car starter. I have this, and it has honestly improved my quality of life. Since I don’t have a garage, I used to have to walk out the door ten minutes before I needed to leave in the morning so that I could start the car and sit in it, shivering violently, while it warmed up enough to drive. Either that, or I could go back inside and run the risk of having the car stolen, which is a pretty big risk at an apartment complex, even a quiet one like mine. The remote starter is also awesome in the summer, so that I don’t have to sweat to death waiting for the A/C to get cranking. It gets hot in the desert, you know.
  • Studded snow tires (check, but I will need a new set for next winter)
  • A vehicle with AWD, and heated seats (check, and please let it be running and happy next winter – one never knows with cars.)
  • Being in shape for, and able to afford, at least one day of skiing per month. It’s a crime to live in a place that has “the best snow on earth,” yet go the entire winter without getting up a lift, as has been the case with me the past FOUR winters.
  • Going snow-shoeing, sledding, and MAAAAYBE even cross-country skiing. Having fun in the snow on occasion makes living through it the rest of the time more bearable. However, I can’t speak to whether or not cross-country skiing is actually FUN, and not just brutal exercise. I haven’t tried it yet.
  • A mid-winter trip to somewhere warm and sunny. I’ve noticed that I’ve been so much happier this winter than usual, because the sun shines often and it’s not bitterly cold, and we don’t have the disgusting inversion that usually plagues us. (If you’re not familiar with inversion, check this out, and be sure to picture me huddled somewhere down in the gunk, sobbing miserably.) During a normal winter, I will reliably have either a short vacation (mid-February is perfect for this), or a psychotic break. (Kidding. Kind of.)

Anyone have a Winter Survival Tool to add?